Friday, November 26, 2010

Tested by Time

This post is quite long and personal.

Have you seen the movie Sa'yo Lamang? When I saw it on DVD, my reaction was what a familiar story. It was almost my family's life rolled into a film.

The biggest influence on my character today is when my parents separated nine years ago. Me and my siblings lived with my mom and she did her best to provide for us. When my parents separated, all of us were still studying. I am in college, the next two are in high school and the youngest in elementary.

Being the eldest in four kids, I strived to make things a little easy on her. At first year college, I was accepted in my school's student assistance program which granted me a 60% discount on tuition and miscellaneous fees. The following year, I was accepted as a scholar of Trend Micro Incorporated. From second year until I graduated, TMI paid for my school fees. I worked in their office before I go to class for my stipend.

All those years, many were sacrificed. It was just my mom and us, we got no to very little support from my father. Because of that, I learned to be mindful of every decision I make. I learned to prioritize my needs against my wants because every peso counts. I was like a breadwinner at an early age.

That experience made me realize that I am really a family person. I made up my mind that I wanted to have a family of my own. When I met my hubby, we clicked because we have the same views about family life. Now, we are blessed with two kids.

Even now that I already have my own family, I still look after my brother and sisters. I'm still their big sister anyway. When they are in trouble, I find out and I stress myself to fix their mess. That's always been the case and somehow, I get tired of it but I can't let it go because they're family.

My parents have become civil to each other. My father has been jobless for the past two years and all of us gives him something even when we didn't get the support we needed from him when we were growing up. He stresses me from time to time because his being proud gets me in trouble and I don't like it. It stresses the hell out of me.

I was such a mabarkada person when I was younger. When my parents parted ways, that changed because I have to look after my siblings and help my mom. All of us finished college and I think that is already a reward for our sacrifices. I would never be as strong as I am now if not for all those hardships we encountered as we were growing up.

I strongly believe that change is permanent. Ironic, isn't it? Everything changes through time. I am still stubborn at times and I still can't say no even if I really should. That's the case with my father. I can't shove him away even if that's what I should do. Maybe in time I'll learn to change that so I won't be stressed as I am now.

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